"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club.
"Be content with obscurity." -Colossians 3:4 [The Message]
And Oh that this city would know your love,Since age three, I have been chasing fame. I've tried modeling, pageants, acting, writing, and even blogging in an attempt to make a name for myself. At first glace, I'd tell you that I don't know where this comes from, but if I stop and really think about it, I have to conclude that it must stem from some deep rooted issues with loneliness.
And Oh that this city would feel your touch,
And Oh that this city would live with hope,
Give us hands to touch, give us hearts of love.
We love because You loved, we pray because you prayed,
We give because you gave.
We live for Your fame, we hope because You save.
We believe in Your name.
-"In Your Name" by Miranda Dodson
I was raised by my grandparents in a small town in southern Indiana. They weren't home a lot, and after I turned 16 and got my own car, I wasn't home a lot, either.
In my town, I was the weird kid. I always had my nose buried in a book. I didn't shower often, and I dressed strange. I was socially awkward and used to pretend to be ditsy for attention. Half of the time, I sat alone at lunch. On most days I busied myself with pursing boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships or extracurricular activities to convince myself that I wasn't alone.
I think that I wanted to be famous because I wanted to be known. When someone knows you, you always have that. When you're sitting in a movie theater alone or eating in a restaurant at a table by yourself, it doesn't matter. You know that someone somewhere really knows you. And if you're famous, you know that people everywhere want to know you.
There is so much to be learned in Colossians 3. I keep reading it and re-reading it. I know that academics tend to shun The Message version of the Bible, but I'm not writing a term paper here. I'm simply trying to take baby steps back toward the life that I know God wants me to lead.
I struggle with wanting to announce that I've started this new blog. The design is cute, isn't it? In typical fashion, I spent a fair amount of time yesterday implementing how it would look versus getting my hands dirty and dealing with the heart matters first. For now, this blog can remain obscure. I've added links to it on my other two blogs, but only because I truly want people to know that I care about things other than clothes and being funny. But no announcements. There's no need for fanfare. And yes, I see the irony of me writing this as an aspiring actress and locally known fashion blogger. That's okay. I need to be content with obscurity.